Katy Perry: Russell Brand a "Great Man of God"

Russell Brand is pretty awesome, and it's hard to blame Katy Perry for gushing about her new husband. But deifying the man, that we didn't see coming.
Katy Perry and Russell Brand just got married in India last month. The sexy pop star told Harper’s Bazaar: “I always knew I wanted a great man of God."
"Someone who's an inspiration for people and also a lovely husband and father. We’re at different places in our lives, but we can still grow together.

Okay, maybe Katy's got a point. Look at the man.

Of her spouse, Katy continues, “He’s thought-provoking, articulate, a real advocate. I also definitely wanted to have a laugh. I have all that in him.”
Perry, who describes herself as a 10 out of 10 in bed, also talked to the mag about her unique fashion style, body image and what makes her tick.
“I’m kind of a good girl, and I’m not,” Perry says.
“I’m a good girl because I really believe in love, integrity, and respect. I’m a bad girl because I like to tease. I know I have sex appeal in my deck of cards. But I like to get people think­ing. That’s what the stories in my music do."
While Perry is part of a new wave of female music stars like Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Fergie, she considers them more like sisters than competitors.
She says: “We’re all unique. That’s why we all win and we all can exist. People don’t want just vanilla. They want 31 flavors. I couldn’t do what Rihanna does. I couldn’t do what Lady Gaga does, and they can’t do what I do.”
Good attitude, KP. One thing they definitely can't do? Russell Brand. He's spoken for, thankyouverymuch. Somehow we actually think it'll last, too.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt: Bankrupt?!

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt claim they've blown $10 million and are behind $2 million in taxes, considering filing for bankruptcy and have no place to live.
While we don't believe anything the gruesome twosome says, that music "career" had to be a huge financial disaster, and 120 plastic surgeries can't be cheap.
"We were immature, worrying too much about [fame] instead of the business part," Spencer tells Life & Style, which likely paid for the right to speak to him.

BROKE AS A JOKE? We're not buying it. If Speidi's out of cash, where did he get that sweet staff? It doesn't add up, people. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have spent any money. We should have been low-key and saved ... I've looked into bankruptcy and unemployment checks."
If Spencer Pratt gets an unemployment check, we're moving to Canada.
Heidi and Spencer never imagined The Hills wouldn't still be successful four years after its 2006 debut, which is absurd, since that's actually a long run.
So when the final season was cut from 20 episodes to 10 and they weren't paid for the 10 unaired episodes they were inexplicably booted from, well ...
Times apparently got tough.
"We thought The Hills would be like 90210 and we'd have 5-10 years," Spencer says. "The ratings were consistent, but we never saw Jersey Shore coming."
Seriously, who did bro?
"At our lowest point, I considered posing for nude pictures in Playboy," says Heidi Montag, who previously posed for the magazine. What stopped her now?
Spencer's parents' appeal for her to keep her clothes on in exchange for living in their guesthouse. "I feel like I'm 14 years old again," Spencer Pratt says.
We're just surprised they haven't disowned him.
"My parents are my lifeline," he says, and Heidi adds that "Spencer's parents go to the grocery store for us once a week, and that's all that we get."
"We don't want sympathy," Spencer says. "We did this to ourselves and feel like idiots. But we've grown up and are definitely not as naive anymore."
Eh, anyone buying this nonsense? Seems like it's a fake ploy for sympathy to us, much like their previous fake sex tapes, divorces, marriages, etc.
Oh well, glad to hear they're happy at least!

Kendra Wilkinson Cries About Fake Single Parenthood

Kendra Wilkinson is a single mother.
If being a single mother means living apart from your husband for a few months while he rakes in six figures, that is.
In the latest issue of Life & Style, the tabloid cover mainstay plays up the rumored trouble in her marriage to Hank Baskett by crying about how difficult it is to live in Los Angeles while he plays football for the Minnesota Vikings.

"Not having Hank around hurts," Kendra tells the magazine. "Moving across the country by myself makes me think of my own mom who raised me and my brother alone. Hank's not going to be [away] forever, but with him not physically here, I'm a single parent now."

It's a good thing for Kendra this interview didn't take place during the Vikings' bye week, huh? She wouldn't be able to make that statement otherwise.

In closing, Wilkinson says she'll do anything for her family, even make up scenarios in order to garner sympathy from ignorant Life & Style readers. To wit, she lies:

"I'm going to go back to the minus-2-degree weather to spend Thanksgiving, baby Hank's 1st birthday and Christmas in a small one bedroom hotel room with my husband and son. That's all that matters to me."

A couple points of interest: the average low temperature in Minnesota in November is 25 degrees, not negative two. Also, the minimum salary in the NFL this season is $325,000. It's unclear why the couple would be staying in a one bedroom hotel room.

Dancing With the Stars: A Bristol Palin Conspiracy

Bristol Palin is now in the final five on Dancing With the Stars.
Who will she outlast next? Rick Fox's elimination last night, and Audrina Patridge shockingly getting the heave-ho the week before prove that no one is safe.
The question is how it's even possible. Sure, she's better than David Hasselhoff or The Situation. But Rick and Audrina had the moves and the flair, and Bristol doesn't even want to be there. Her words and body language have said as much.

STILL STANDING: Week after week, Bristol Palin beats superior Dancing With the Stars competition. How long can it go on? Could she actually win this thing?!

It's still a stretch to think that she could best Brandy and Jennifer Grey to actually win DWTS, but another week or two? Doesn't seem impossible right now.
Her talent is average at best, her effort mediocre, and fan support ostensibly lacking. What gives? There has to be some sort of diabolical plot at work here.
A couple of Bristol Palin conspiracy theories:

• Sarah Palin has the entire Tea Party movement and everyone on her PAC email list dialing and robo-texting like madmen after every episode.
• ABC rigs the results so she stays and we give the show free publicity with ridiculous articles like this one. Game, set, match, network execs!
• Their Russian neighbors are voting around the clock.
• Voters fear an attack by a swarm of Mama Grizzlies.
• Christine O'Donnell cast a spell on DWTS phone lines.
• The Teen Mom demographic is bigger than realized.

Hiccup Girl's Hiccups Return in Court Hearing

Jennifer Mee, a.k.a. Hiccup Girl, had uncontrollable hiccups awhile back, thus earning her that great nickname. Then she likely killed someone. Now they're back.
Karma and/or unexplained gastrointestinal spasms are a bitch.
An emotional court hearing on Tuesday triggered a return of Jennifer Mee's infamous hiccups. Facing a first-degree murder charge, Mee began sobbing, then involuntarily hiccupping, during the testimony of her alleged victim's cousin.

HELP MEE: Jennifer wishes you would, legally or with the damn hiccups.

According to police, Jennifer Mee and two other men allegedly lured Shannon Griffin from his house, robbed him of the $60 in his wallet, then shot him.
Tuesday, Griffin's cousin, Doug Bolden, testified about the alleged encounter between them. He said his cousin, who moved from Mississippi, was "smiling" as he talked of going to meet Mee, whom he had reportedly met online.
"The thought that he was lured into a predatorial situation is tragic."
Mee's mother, Rachel Robidoux, also testified on Tuesday, telling the court that her daughter had a learning disability, had the mental capacity of a 12-year-old and was illiterate. Mee and her alleged conspirators have been held without bail.
On Tuesday, her lawyer, John Travena, asked the judge to reduce her bond and release Mee into her parents' custody. A decision is expected on Friday, barring any legal hiccups. Sorry, that was so wrong. But maybe a little funny?